I have a confession...I didn't find the button on the big black page. I just noticed a pattern emerging in the URL's and called up the last one. It told me I was insane, but I don't know if I can live with myself knowing that I cheated in order to preserve my sanity.
Please email me and tell me I'm mad!
Anthony Fernando - Australia
Okay, you're mad! - David
Anthony later replied with :
I pressed the big green button because, like Everest, it was there. To be fair, though, if you make a big button, paint it green, and write "press me", then naturally it will get pressed. Its very purpose in life, in fact, is to be pressed. It is incapable of serving any function other than being pressed. It is therefore up to people (like myself) to press it, fulfil its functional destiny, and restore the balance of the Universe.
The very same principle applies to those "Do-not-read-any-further-you're-not-
achieving-anything" type passages of prose. People are powerless to stop reading, because it is the functional destiny of these passages of prose to be read. We need look no further than The Bible for further examples. God says to Adam and Eve "Here's the garden of Eden, go for it guys! Oh, but don't eat the apples..." So, what's the first thing
that they do? They press the big green button, in a manner of speaking.
So, there's my reason for pushing the big green button. Of course, you and I know that I was really bored out of my skull, browsing the Useless WWW Pages, and stumbled across your page by accident. In fact, I think I'll go back there now, and find my birthday in Pi (...manually).
PS. Speaking of pressing buttons, have you ever heard of a "Digital Accelerator"? It's a hi-tech looking box with a single recessed button labeled "press", and the words "digital accelerator" printed on the box. You leave it lying around on laboratory bench tops on Open Days and such, and when some nosey bugger (and there's always one) pokes thier finger in
and presses the button, they receive a minor electrical zap which causes their digit to accelerate quite rapidly. :) :) :)
Anthony Fernando - Australia
I feel sick. I actually searched that whole black page
before I said to myself.."hey! check the source code....maybe
it's aligned funny....well...i was right.
Claire - Brampton, Ontario
Clever girl! - David
Claire also replied : Yeah...I guess it did serve it's purpose. (the green button I mean). Although it did not cure me of any disease, nor did it enlighten me spiritually, I feel better knowing I have accomplished what most have not. You were completetly right in saying "other times it's pure addiction" I think that's what it was for me. Just knowing that another
button was waiting for me....calling my name.... Oh well, that's over and done with, and I hope it'll never happen again. Those crazy buttons though.....they keep poppin' up everywhere!
One more thing: If you make another button.....could you please make it
red? You could call it the cadbury's button(or have they done that yet?)
Oh hush up :) Okay, so I kept pressing the silly button. But I did press quit before the end, I promise!!!! Then I went back and kept going to the stupid stupid black page. I looked everywhere, and I still couldn't find it. I think you were lying! How could you! AAAAAACCCCCCKKKKKK
Leah - Oakland, CA
Sorry Leah, but you obviously didn't look hard enough! - David
On a second visit Leah said: ha ha! I found your hidden button! Ha! I've conquered you! (It took me three seperate visits to your evil site (sorry, I'm a bit bitter....), but I found it! Now, since you had to do this to us, you should at least supply us with some sort of support group, or something! Help! I'm addicted! Make another button. Make it blue. Make it BIGGGGGGERRR! Ha ha aha ahahahahahhahhah!
This page kicks ass!thanks.
Er, you're welcome .... I think - David
Like going to Disney World
Never been, but told it's never ending! - David
Diane later wrote back: I have sent your big green button web site to my closest friends all over the US and Canada! So far it has received lots of chuckes.
Thanks for responding. Your quotes at the end of your signature would definitely make you a favorite of my 3 year old daughter.
*BLUSH* - David
I can die a happy man!
Remember me in your will dude - David
Rory subsequently wrote: Hi David, I had to write you back. I can't stand it anymore! I cheated on the button thing. You know that last screen where everything is black and you can't see the button? Well, I never found it. I changed the 30 with a 31 on the push30.html thing. OK, are you happy? I didn't really find it! I cheated! Does that make you happy?
As long as you're happy, I'm happy. Personally I don't know how you can live with yourself with this act of cowardice hanging over your head! - David
I thought it was excellent. Had to view your source! Well done! Now I'm going to steal your CGI stuff.
Doug Greer - Canada
How dare you! - David
Actually, what I've done is tested
YOUR willpower.... Ya see, I had the
will to go on YOU didn't have the
willpower to create even MORE BGB's!
Funny. Useless. But EVER so cool!
Don't tell me, you're a psychologist, right? - David
As dumb as a sack of hammers in the rain.
Huh?! - David
I feel a little stronger than i'm not, and yet weaker than i actually seem to be. how disconcerting.
HUH??!!! - David
This is one of the most hilarious sites I have seen.
I found it through the Useless Pages site ... I think you should do another one
High praise indeed! Thanx Heidi! - David
Want more buttons. Need more buttons!
Maybe one day - David
I think your big green button is cool, but the button on the end dosent seem to work... I saved your page then went to edit it to find the last button, found it, but I cant seem to make it work... Anyway, I thought the button was so cool that I added it to the links on my web page (in the making). Keep up the good work.
Let me know when it's done - David
I need more big green buttons! I strain
for something green! Hey wait, this
whole page is green! *BONK*
Go forth and strain no more - David
I feel horrible! I couldn't find the last button! Where was it? I have to know! The voices! Keep telling me..... find the button..... couldn't find it..... going..... mad..... must..... have..... button! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!
Yeah, it gets to you after a while! - David
Its funny :) I like the idea, but tell me, is
there really a button hidden on the
black page? :)
Jaimen - Australia / Jaimen's Home Page
Do you doubt me? Oh ye of little faith! - David
Great spiritual cleansing!
My thoughts exactly! - David
Bob - Canada
You should probably slow down a tad - David
Ok...I confess...u really got me this time...I'm adicted... to pressing
Happens to the best of us mate - David
I dunno, i'm still laughing! Can i add a link to you on my site?
Laura Hagen - Ohio / Laura's Home Page
Of course you can Laura - David
Go easy with all that new found power! - David
Andy Guerriero - Saginaw, MI, USA / Andy's Home Page
Funny that, huh? - David
No different than I did before
Diane - Sydney, Australia
You must be a very strong woman Diane! - David
I can feel a great power flowing
in my body... That was an unique experiment ! Never saw that on my long old life ! Mum ! Look at your son ! I'm a man now ! Thank you my god for this revalation !
Michel Rousseau - Vincennes, France
Michael, I'm glad that you've found your purpose in life now - David
How do I feel??? With my HANDS of course!!!!
Philip Nasadowski - Glen head, NY / Phil's Home Page
Arf, Arf!! - David
I feel relieved
Suzi Culbert / Suzi's Home Page
Glad I could help Suzi - David
I read the other comments and realized I was missing something by quitting. They talked me into it. I reall have will power when I'm alone. It's the peer pressure that gets me.
Julie Reckamp - Jacksonville, Florida
Well now you're part of the 'other comments' so maybe your experience will encourage others to join the league of button pushers too?! - David
I want my mom...
Jeannine Bestine - Boston, MA
There there, it'll be okay - David
I'm always looking for unusual sites,
and this certainly qualifies! Unusual,
yes, but useless? How can something
that provides this kind of entertainment
be called useless?
Jim David - Peoria, IL / Jim's Home Page
Thankyou thankyou thankyou! - David
It reminded me of the "It's a small world" ride at disneyland.
Matt - Denver, CO / Matt's Home Page
Another Disneyland comparison! I must be doing well - David
This is the only thing I accomplished all day at work....thanks
Tom Sherman - Des Moines, Iowa
You're absolutely most welcome! - David
We are developing a Team Challenge game on our web site we will let you know when
we have completed it.
Gavin and Xiwen - Miami, FL
Um, Thanks - David
I couldn't find the button on the black screen - How dare you!!
Dan Rechel - Ashford, USA
Well, some people just don't have the staying power! - David
K2 made me do this. I wouldn't have pressed the Green Button but she grabbed the mouse away from me and did. Anyway, very clever.
P.S. The women in the office oooh'ed and aaaah'ed over your baby pic.
Ben Hoffman - Jefferson City, MO
Thanks Ben. I'll get back to K2 about that, and please tell the women in the office that I'm a wee bit older now! - David
I feel... with my hands?
I feel... lots of little bumpy things in my underpants.
I feel... Pretty, oh so pretty, I feel pretty and witty and..(Cough, cough, scuseme,cough)
[It's a joke, O.K. I was only kiddin..ooph! ((HIT IN FACE WITH LARGE SMELLY FISH))]
I fEeL LIkE a kID, ToLd hE cOuLD wRIte On tHe WaLLs!
TnX, It'S BeEn a BlaSt!
Benz - Scottsdale, AZ
I see that you're just a wee bit confused about the whole affair. I suggest that you take a lie down with an ice pack on your forehead and relax for a few years! - David
Benz also signed my guestbook with the following fantastic dissertation :
I must ask this in a humble and sincere manor: "When I found myself face to face with 'The Button,' I, like everyone else, pushed it! But the messages kept coming back, not with stern warnings or threats which would alternately challange me to continue. No, quite the opposite. I found them to be pleading, in almost a deparate, anmost submissive fashion. Far be it for me to intensionally couse another pain, so I hit the quit button. Even after reading the comments of others, I feel it unmessisary to go back an even search for the lost button, perhaps it's the clues which were inadvertenly given away through the corresponcence, knowing the challange would now make it just a chore, but beyond that, I feel a kind of satisfaction, or rather, accomplishment, in my choice almost like it was the correct answer all along, and now, having made it past without the stain of the black page, I qualify for right of passage onto the next level. (So I have a lot of free time, read SciFi and believe in all sorts of unseen powers.) Perhaps I am just loosing,(lost), it. I can live with that. But I can't shake this feeling that there's more to it. It's obviously not a test of will power, but of character, and with all kidding aside, (oh, no, here it comes, another wacko living in Nah-Nah land), your answers and reactions to visitor comments, on top of such a unique, (still not sure it's purpose) attention grabbibg device, tells me your either a person of high wisdomw, or very lucky in finding the right elements, and combined them in an intreguing and porvoking mannor, purely at random. I don't buy the later. I guess the question is, (FINALLY, THE QUESTION), Is there more here than openly seen, or am I just in need of some serious psycological help? Thanks, BenZ
PS Either way, it's still a cool site, and judging from the comments, a real nice distraction from the day to day stress of life. Kudos! Well done!
Well, what can I say, except you probably don't get out much do you Benz?! - David
It's amazing that people don't have something better to do than search for a "dot" on an all black page. That's pittyful! By the way, I found the stupid dot.
Josh - Hays, Kansas
Congratulations, and by the way I've been to Hays and it's not much more than a dot itself! Take it easy bud - David
THIS WAS ONE OF THE BEST PAGES THAT I HAVE FOUND.
I LOVED IT ... AND YES, I WANTED TO FIND THE END.
Kerowyn - New Jersey (The Garden State?!) USA
Well, what you want you get, right? - David
I felt relieved once I was finally able to stop!
I'm assuming that you're talking about the buttons?! - David
Oh, just wonderful
Steve Cahill - USA
Steve, I'm glad you feel so strongly about it - David
Laughingly depressed ...
David Gray - Tampa, FL
Laughingly depressed? Sounds like a suicidal tendency case to me. Get the men in white coats!! Hup Hup Hup! - David
Um... where's the other buttons? I want more buttons.
Uh.. There's no more buttons?!?
I WANT MORE BUTTONS!!
WHERE THE @*#&@*# ARE MY BUTTONS?!?!?!?
Henry Herman - Washington, DC / Henry's Home Page
Calm yourself now!! Kick back and chill out! - David
Your big green buttons were absolutely positively
gorgeous and turned me on no end!!! Say, what are you doing tonight?
Bubbles - Sydney, Australia (No email given!)
This evening? Making more buttons for you of course! - David
My mouse clicking technique has greatly improved thanks to the green button.
Carlo Diano - Dallas, TX
Well, don't forget to keep practicing, otherwise you'll lose the technique! - David
HELP!! I'm addicted to the button and you made me stop!!!!!! I even found the button on that all black page!!!!!! Now you've deprived me of my right to push!!!!!!! I'm coming after you!!!!!!!
Crazy (No email given)
"Eeeek!", "Egad!" and "Yikes!" - David
Fulfilled. My life now has new meaning. Thank you so very much for
instilling such importance into my existance!
Todd George - Eugene, OR / Todd's Home Page
Must have had a pretty sad existance before then, eh?! ;) - David
I NEED the Big Green Button. Give me more
or I'll be forced to do you bodily harm.
Gary Diana - Champaign, IL / Gary's Home Page
Yikes again! Anyone out there a personal bodyguard? - David
The button sucks, looks more like
a flat disk...
At last, someone who sees through the thin facade of the Button and confronts it for what it really is! - David
I think you are lying about the button in the dark--It isn't there.
Diane Cook - Oxnard, CA
I hate to disagree with you Diane, but I disagree! - David
Taht is with out a doubt the best thing ive seen on the web
Thanks, but maybe you should work on your spelling first?! :) - David
That was so exhilarating! Why did you make me stop? What's next, the Big Green Button That Doesn't Do Anything?
Anonymous - Biloxi, MS USA
Hey, you never know! Keep your peepers open! - David
The first step is admitting I have a problem, but I am still in denial.
Peter Johnson - Sandy, Utah
I appreciate your honesty to me Peter, but if you can't be honest to yourself then you may aswell go and shout "I'm a bowl of porridge!" from your roof - David
Sehr gut !!!!
Stefan - Ebersheim, Germany
Danke! (Sorry, that's the limit of my written German!) - David
It was fun :-)
Lots' of laughs
Greg Malone - Porterville CA / Greg's Home Page
Thanks for your inspired comments! - David
...an ethereal being from the aether... / The 'P' Page
......? - David
I thought it was really cute! :)
Michelle Bogner - Jackson, NJ, USA
Thanks for the really cute message! - David
insane ... my button ... my precious little button ... my life is meanless, without that button ... button, oh button ... i'm NOT hooked ... (what was that starting page again?) ... goodbye! ... i'm going to run under a running car
Antti Holma - Sonkajdrvi Savo Finland
Blimey, I don't half get some nutters round here! What kind of car was it Antti? - David
It made me smile.And I thought that I would have to log of netscape.Good job!
ken shapcott - Calgary,Alberta Canada
Huh? - David
Made my day. Thanks.
Ron Kuhnel - Sacramento, CA / Ron's Place
It made your day what? Wednesday? - David
More Buttons, More Buttons, More Buttons,That ruled.That was the coolest thing I have ever seen. Did I say More Buttons Yet? Yeah I did. I thank I will say that Again, More Buttons, More Buttons, More Buttons
Wow! A bit enthusiastic this one, methinks! - David
Slinkey later emailed me saying:
More buttons, More buttons, More buttons! Hey david look at my page I made two days ago and started putting it on different link pages. More buttons, More buttons, More buttons!
Still a wee bit enthusiastic! - David
the black page is stupid, this is useless!
HELLFIRE - alymer/quebec/Canada
One of the best compliments yet! - David
B.A. Buttons Anonymous!
Hi, My name is Roger I'm addicted
to the Big Green Button! THANKS ALOT BUD!!!!
Roger - Montreal
It seems like I have quite a few members for BA now! - David
Now I can go to sleep knowing that I
have found the invisible button on the
black page. Ha Ha I have never laughed
as hard on a web page as I did on yours
as well as some of the responses from the
afterwards list. Would definitly like to
add a link to my home page with your
blessings, it will knock em dead for a
good hour if not more providing they don't
find the mystery button.
Keep up the good work. Looking for more BUTTONS!
Debbie & Harold Lantos - Montreal Canada / D & H's Place
Blessings away! - David
ITS WORTH THE TRIP !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BME - DAYTONA/FL/USA
That's a lot of exclamation marks! Must be all that Florida sun! - David
This is the strangest page I have ever visited.
I love it! Keep up the insanity! 8-)
Joshua Hanley - Apache Junction, AZ / Josh's Place
"Strange", "Insane"; I like this guy! - David
I got more satisfaction out of pressing the little red button. It was a bigger challenge, being smaller and all. And I got many times more button pushing pleasure pressing the green button then the red button, then back to the original green button and hitting it again to get to the next page so I could push the next red button, then getting back to the original green button and hitting that twice to get to yet the next page, and so on. The page that had no red button drove me out of my mind.
Emma - St Paul, MN
Little things please little minds, eh?! - David
I am on the edge of going nuts. I will never push a button again. This is going to affect me the rest of my life and this is YOUR fault. I just hope that you feel bad about it.
No name given
Oh, I feel terrible! - David
THIS SITE ROCKS!!!!!!!!!!!
PROBABLY THE BEST
& MOST USELESS SITE EVER!!!!!!!
THANK YOU FOR ENRICHING MY LIFE
WITH SUCH USELESSNESS!!!!!!!
Valerie - Los Angeles, CA : email - that's 4 me 2 know & you NOT to know
Capitals AND lots of exclamation marks! I must be doing something right - David
I dunno. A little more impatient than most of the people, I guess. After the sixth
button, I jumped 5, and then I started jumping 10. I did go back to the black page.
I can't believe you called that button hidden. It was as obvious as black on white.
('Course, it helped that my background was white.) I do think that you could use a
few more buttons. One Big Green Button just isn't enough. I think you should have
a Big Blue Button, and a Big Yellow Button, and maybe even a Big Pink Button. Then
you could determine which was more likely to cause people to press them. Using
cookies, you could make it so that they were only able to press one of the four
buttons, and then the rest would disappear forever. If they went back to their
browser-saved original page, and pressed one of the other buttons, you could force
it to be interpreted like the button they originally pressed.
One thing, though... Don't visit my URL. It's boring. I set it up to help me
find a job. I found one. My homepage has barely changed since then. ('Specially
since I'm now in Texas, & my provider's local to Indiana...)
Ed - Dallas, TX / Ed's Place
Hey, if your home page is so boring then why don't you make all these different coloured cookies for your page?! - David
Dude, you have WAY too much time
on your hands.
Zeitgeist - San Jose, CA
Tell me about it! - David
Cool. Let me know when you take your vacation on Frogstar.
Papa Frogstar or Steve KE6GMD - Cathedral City, CA / Frogstar
Okay ... - David
Great site!! Lots of fun for us button pushers
larry smith - edmond, oklahoma
Don't you go pushing yourself to death now - David
Another way to cheat: highlight the whole
page by clicking at the top and dragging
down--the only place that isn't high-lighted
holds the button. (My friend Matias
thought of it.)
Molly Zacher - Los Gatos, CA
Damn your clever friend Matias!! :p - David
I came. I saw. I pushed the green button.
steve - butte, mt
Veni Vidi Buttoni? - David
midori ikegami - glendale, ca
I laughed too - David
You should have hidden the stop button better.
What a bizarre web site.
You must be as strange as I am to make something like this.
Tom Shuler - Honolulu, HI
As strange as you Tom? Yeah right! - David
I feel that people who take up useful hard drive space by doing things like this should be shot.
Xerfnab - Mars Asteroid
My sentiments exactly, but people who live in asteroids should have their heads examined! - David
I made it to the black page twice before going back to the point where there was a quit button... you, sir, are top notch
Elliott Brown - Stanford, California
I do try to remain top notch calibre (Let me know when your page is done) - David
If I had it to do all over again, I would. I have no regrets.
There is no button hidden in black page, is there?
If there is a point I'd like to know.
I played the game, where's the punchline?
You owe me big time!
Jerry Gregoire - Boston, MA / Jerry's Place
Isn't power a wonderful thing?! - David
Hey, ure button is really funny!
But how about my moving puzzle? And my labyrinth? ...
Alba - Germany
Your moving puzzle is very moving, yet quite puzzling - David
FILE CORRUPTED - Nine comments previously at this spot are now floating in the black void of nothingness that is the binary ether
I wasn't going to comment on your site,
but I couldn't STAND keeping MY secret.
I found the hidden button but doing
something REALLY underhanded, but much
more creative than just taking a chance
on a consecutively numbered URL.
I DOWNLOADED your BLACK page to my
editor, changed the background to white,
then looked for the back button. Is
there such a thing as a transparent
button, one that, like a chameleon,
would assume the color of its
surroundings? Now that would have killed
me or driven me insane. Fun site and a
Pat Dennison - Ventura, California / Pat's Page
Chameleon image? Dunno, but if'n you find one gimme a call! - David
How about a big green zipper?
Colin - Australia / Colin's Pad
Indeed! - David
I now worship the ole mighty button.
hail button, hail caesar, and hail hitler.
mostly hail button.
uummmm..me i think - never never land
Hail men in white coats! Hail funny farm! - David
hey, ive pressed the hole black page.there wuz no button.now i think im going 2 cry.
:-(:::: there u happy now?and 2 top that off they were yelling at me.thats when i
started hearing the voices. they told me i wuz mad becouse i stood all day pressing
the t.v. buttons. but we will show them. me and my buttons 2 going 2 destroy the
world!!he he ho ho ha ha.please e-mail. i dont think i kan take much more and
hurry. hey pushing the keyboard buttons r alot funner than the t.v. bubye 4 now.
greg - Carson, Nevada
Who are you? Punctuation-Man? - David
That was futility at it's most futile. Rather like life really. Don't talk to me about life. If this is living, why do I get the feeling that living is going to be the death of me?
Mental debris - The dark side of the moon
Hmmm, wise words from such a cold, dark place - David
I feel better! Thank You! :-)
Jakeswife - Massachusetts / Jakeswife's Abode
Oh, it is so nice to recieve the occasional basic heartfelt comment! So, who's Jake? - David
I don't feel addicted at all! That was fun! Thanks alot!
Age: 9 1/2
Kimberly Anne Bair - St.George, Utah
Well, Kimberly Anne, I'm glad that you didn't succumb to the perilous evils of addiction. It can be a bit tiresome, and by the way, it's way past your bedtime! - David
very cool!! Bravo!! loved it so much i did it twice...
BoPeep - Jacksonville, Florida / BoPeep's Sheep Pen
Twice?! Not many come back for seconds! - David
i love this it's great!! im known as a button pusher by my friends
and a friend found this site for me - thanks for the fun
pepsi1 - milwaukee,wisconsin / Pepsi1's Fizzy Fixture
Wow, what it must be to be known as a Button Pusher! Isn't that illegal though? - David
That was too freakin' funny... I wish I'd thought of it first!
Classic! I'm still red (whewh!)
Michael E. Brichford - Houston, TX / Mike's Place
Hey, I wish I'd thought of the wheel first: I could have made a hell of a lot of wonga! - David
I think that you should conceal the source code somehow. I found the "invisible" button very rapidly by seeing that there were 6x10=60 carriage returns BEFORE the button and 2x10=20 AFTER and the button was aligned to the right. So I went down 2/3 of the way and put my arrow at the right... BINGO!!! All in all it made me feel good about myself and caused me to chuckle!!
Mark A. Decker - Orlando/FL / Mark's Page
Don't ya just hate clever dicks?! - David
I need more !!! How much do you want for it ?
Oren Liav - Haifa , Israel / Oren's Bit Of The Web
Hey, you make an interesting offer and it's yours! - David
Is it me, or do these buttons seem to be popping up like ... 'dandelions'?
Good luck with your endeavor...
Raul Delauralii / Raul's Place
Well, apart from the fact that dandelions are yellow I guess you could be right. By the way, you have just about the coolest name I've heard in years! - David